no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
