does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
