Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
