I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
