Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
