I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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