my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
