My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
