is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
