Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize