Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
