When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
True strength comes from lack of pants
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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