And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
