i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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