Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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