Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
