Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
