So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
