So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
