Umm I'm too high to move.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
