My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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