i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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