Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
