I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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