I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
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