I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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