I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
