i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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