i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
