I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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