then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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