You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
