Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
