Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
