Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
