this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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