eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
