im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
