I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize