garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
