Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(352): View more from Florida

I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.

(904): View more from Florida

You stay classy.

(352): View more from Florida

The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.

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(949): View more from California

Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami

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(720): View more from Colorado

i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened

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(578): View more from

drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm

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(775): View more from Nevada

Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night

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(516): View more from New York

So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound

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(763): View more from Minnesota

chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days

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