I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it was like his penis was on wheels.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
