I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
