you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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