So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
too bad you live with your parents still
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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