okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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