he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
