i just had sex bonerless
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
