does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
