Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
