pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
