"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
