we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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