Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
