You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
