I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
