He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize