I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
