suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
