with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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