Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
