Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
