if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
