thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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