I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
