Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
