is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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