In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
