My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
