Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
