I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
