he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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